5620. Re-Re-Booting the RomneyBot (Take 9)
by SolonBiker, 09/27/12 2:38 PM
Hey, Joe, ya out there??? I'm getting tired of re-posting this dumb thing. But I wrote the last half at your special request, and I don't even know if you've seen it because it's been so rapid-fire deleted. Here's my ninth attempt . . .
Rove: It’s not working. The re-boot failed. We’re down 8 in Ohio, and there’s no map that wins without Ohio. We need another re-boot. Where’s that Joe guy????
Campaign Manager: He’s not happy, he says he needs more pay.
Rove: Look, we’ve got Trump, we’ve got the Koch brothers, we’ve got Adelson … tell him he can name his price. We’re talking about the White House!!!
SolonJoe3 and Solon Forum Delete Punk walk in the door.
Joe: Greetings, fellow Corrupticans, what do you need???
Rove: It’s not working, Obama’s increasing his lead. We need another wipe and reload.
Joe: How about if you release his taxes so that . . .
Rove: Not an option, I mean he can’t even fill in his tax return without identifying USA as a foreign country. Can you imagine what’s in the ten years we’re withholding??
Joe: OK, well maybe if he put some detail into his tax plan, I notice 4 trillion in cuts, but I see no specifics about how you’re going to . . .
Rove: Look, that won’t work either, we don’t need political advice, we just need to get this stupid thing working.
Joe: OK, well about my price …
Rove: Name it, the sky’s the limit. What do you need, how many million . . .
Joe: Well, I was wondering if we could maybe upgrade from the lite beer to regular. You know, maybe Miller High Life instead of Miller Lite.
Rove (scratching his head): Yeah, I think we can do that.
Joe: OK, bring in the RomneyBot.
Mitt Romney walks in.
Joe: Wipe and reload, Delete Punk.
Delete Punk: “ “
Joe: OK, let’s see what we’ve got . . .
Mitt Romney : Bonjour, mon nom est Mitt Romney. Je suis un robot envoyé sur Mars pour aider à l'anéantissement de la planète Terre. Mon taux d'imposition est de 14%, ce qui me fait mal, mais je dois paraître un peu comme un être humain, donc je accepter cette imposition.
Joe : Yikes !!!
Rove : Look, we sent it to France during ‘Nam. We could never get its combat program running, so we sent him on a Mormon mission in a French château. We think the French is a virus.
Joe : Delete Punk, get rid of the French.
Mitt Romney : Let Detroit go bankrupt !!!
Joe : Delete Punk, you’re fired !!! Get out of here !!!
Solon Forum Delete Punk exits stage left.
Mitt Romney : I like to fire people who provide me services.
Joe : Does this thing have a mute button ???
Rove : We’ve been looking and looking, but we can’t seem to find one.
Joe : Where did this thing come from ???
Rove : The papers said Mars. Is that in Kansas ??? Some guy who calls himself Marvin the Martian and he . . .
Joe : Hold on.
Joe takes his pants off, grabs a wrench and starts hitting the Romneybot on the head.
Mitt Romney : We won’t let people die of heart attacks in their apartments. We’ll send them to the ER, and they can die there.
Joe : Well, that’s as good as it’s gonna get.
Rove : Well, you’re the miracle worker, that’s for sure. Looks like a winner for sure now.
Joe : Now about my price.
Three cases of Miller High Life get wheeled in.
Joe (putting pants back on) : Great doing business with you.
Joe starts walking out the door.
Joe: But, you know, maybe I could also get …
Rove : We thought you’d never ask … Hold on.
Condi Rice walks out the door, and takes Joe by the arm.
Joe : Well, you know it IS the White House . . .
Rove : Right, right, hold on.
Ann Coulter walks out, takes Joe by the other arm.
Joe: … and we’ve got a Muslim Socialist in the White House . . . .
Rove : OK, OK … you win … bring in the big guns !!!
Condi Rice and Ann Coulter walk out the door, and Sarah Palin walks in . . .
Palin : I hear I’m moving to Solon.
Joe : You betcha !!!!!
Palin : Well, I’m gonna need a variance so that I can still see Russia from my back porch.
Joe : Oh, don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of your back porch.
Mitt Romney: Russia is Public Enemy #1 !!!!
5620. Romney Reboot take 10
by solonjoe3, 09/28/12 10:34 AM
Romney: These darn democratics will stop at nothing to slander my good name!
Joe: I know, I know. It's so unfair.
Romney: Thanks Joe. Here's a thousand dollars.
Joe: Thank you sir.
[SolonBiker rides in on his carbon alloy super cycle. His svelte frame perfectly matches the precise engineering in his Chinese made racer.]
SolonBiker: Joe! How could you? Romney is just rich a-hole.
Joe: Well, you never came through with the Asian twins and he gave me a thousand bucks.
Solonbiker: But I gave Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin.
Joe: Those gals have been ridden a few too many times if you know what I mean. Not that there is anything wrong what. Sure, hanging with experienced gals may be fine for you (I've seen the pictures of you with Pelosi.) But I am vigorous.
SolonPol: Joe what are doing? This post is sure to be taken down by the delete punk.
Joe: Heck, I don't care. I've got me a thousand bucks and I'm gonna buy me a beer truck.
5620.2. Following Up
by SolonBiker, 09/28/12 2:44 PM
Re: Romney Reboot take 10 by solonjoe3, 09/28/12 2:44 PM
Joe: Why, thanks, RomneyBot. Wow, a thousand bucks!!!! Imagine how much beer I'll be able to buy with that!!!
RomneyBot: Oh, heavens no, Joe. We don't condone of that sort of thing. No, this is for your Medicare. It's a prepay on the coupon we'd like to give you when you're 65 . . .
Paul Ryan: (loudly coughs and clears throat)
RomneyBot: When you're 67 . . .
Paul Ryan: (loudly coughs like a cat spitting up a hairball)
RomneyBot: (weakly) Er, um, when you're 70 . . . (nervously looks at Paul Ryan) . . . Yes, yes, it's a downpayment for your Medicare when you're 70. Now, all you have to do is invest that with a 400,000x return on your investment like I did with my offshore IRAs, and you'll be truly golden in your golden years.
Joe: Why, gosh, I knew there was a reason I always vote for the R team!!!