Thursday, September 27, 2012

Re-Re-Booting the RomneyBot

5620. Re-Re-Booting the RomneyBot (Take 9)
by SolonBiker, 09/27/12 2:38 PM

Hey, Joe, ya out there??? I'm getting tired of re-posting this dumb thing. But I wrote the last half at your special request, and I don't even know if you've seen it because it's been so rapid-fire deleted. Here's my ninth attempt . . .

Rove: It’s not working. The re-boot failed. We’re down 8 in Ohio, and there’s no map that wins without Ohio. We need another re-boot. Where’s that Joe guy????

Campaign Manager: He’s not happy, he says he needs more pay.

Rove: Look, we’ve got Trump, we’ve got the Koch brothers, we’ve got Adelson … tell him he can name his price. We’re talking about the White House!!!

SolonJoe3 and Solon Forum Delete Punk walk in the door.

Joe: Greetings, fellow Corrupticans, what do you need???

Rove: It’s not working, Obama’s increasing his lead. We need another wipe and reload.

Joe: How about if you release his taxes so that . . .

Rove: Not an option, I mean he can’t even fill in his tax return without identifying USA as a foreign country. Can you imagine what’s in the ten years we’re withholding??

Joe: OK, well maybe if he put some detail into his tax plan, I notice 4 trillion in cuts, but I see no specifics about how you’re going to . . .

Rove: Look, that won’t work either, we don’t need political advice, we just need to get this stupid thing working.

Joe: OK, well about my price …

Rove: Name it, the sky’s the limit. What do you need, how many million . . .

Joe: Well, I was wondering if we could maybe upgrade from the lite beer to regular. You know, maybe Miller High Life instead of Miller Lite.

Rove (scratching his head): Yeah, I think we can do that.

Joe: OK, bring in the RomneyBot.

Mitt Romney walks in.

Joe: Wipe and reload, Delete Punk.

Delete Punk: “ “

Joe: OK, let’s see what we’ve got . . .

Mitt Romney : Bonjour, mon nom est Mitt Romney. Je suis un robot envoyé sur Mars pour aider à l'anéantissement de la planète Terre. Mon taux d'imposition est de 14%, ce qui me fait mal, mais je dois paraître un peu comme un être humain, donc je accepter cette imposition.

Joe : Yikes !!!

Rove : Look, we sent it to France during ‘Nam. We could never get its combat program running, so we sent him on a Mormon mission in a French château. We think the French is a virus.

Joe : Delete Punk, get rid of the French.

Mitt Romney : Let Detroit go bankrupt !!!

Joe : Delete Punk, you’re fired !!! Get out of here !!!

Solon Forum Delete Punk exits stage left.

Mitt Romney : I like to fire people who provide me services.

Joe : Does this thing have a mute button ???

Rove : We’ve been looking and looking, but we can’t seem to find one.

Joe : Where did this thing come from ???

Rove : The papers said Mars. Is that in Kansas ??? Some guy who calls himself Marvin the Martian and he . . .

Joe : Hold on.

Joe takes his pants off, grabs a wrench and starts hitting the Romneybot on the head.

Mitt Romney : We won’t let people die of heart attacks in their apartments. We’ll send them to the ER, and they can die there.

Joe : Well, that’s as good as it’s gonna get.

Rove : Well, you’re the miracle worker, that’s for sure. Looks like a winner for sure now.

Joe : Now about my price.

Three cases of Miller High Life get wheeled in.

Joe (putting pants back on) : Great doing business with you.

Joe starts walking out the door.

Joe: But, you know, maybe I could also get …

Rove : We thought you’d never ask … Hold on.

Condi Rice walks out the door, and takes Joe by the arm.

Joe : Well, you know it IS the White House . . .

Rove : Right, right, hold on.

Ann Coulter walks out, takes Joe by the other arm.

Joe: … and we’ve got a Muslim Socialist in the White House . . . .

Rove : OK, OK … you win … bring in the big guns !!!

Condi Rice and Ann Coulter walk out the door, and Sarah Palin walks in . . .

Palin : I hear I’m moving to Solon.

Joe : You betcha !!!!!

Palin : Well, I’m gonna need a variance so that I can still see Russia from my back porch.

Joe : Oh, don’t worry about that, I’ll take care of your back porch.

Mitt Romney: Russia is Public Enemy #1 !!!!

5620. Romney Reboot take 10
by solonjoe3, 09/28/12 10:34 AM

Romney: These darn democratics will stop at nothing to slander my good name!

Joe: I know, I know. It's so unfair.

Romney: Thanks Joe. Here's a thousand dollars.

Joe: Thank you sir.

[SolonBiker rides in on his carbon alloy super cycle. His svelte frame perfectly matches the precise engineering in his Chinese made racer.]

SolonBiker: Joe! How could you? Romney is just rich a-hole.

Joe: Well, you never came through with the Asian twins and he gave me a thousand bucks.

Solonbiker: But I gave Ann Coulter and Sarah Palin.

Joe: Those gals have been ridden a few too many times if you know what I mean. Not that there is anything wrong what. Sure, hanging with experienced gals may be fine for you (I've seen the pictures of you with Pelosi.) But I am vigorous.

SolonPol: Joe what are doing? This post is sure to be taken down by the delete punk.

Joe: Heck, I don't care. I've got me a thousand bucks and I'm gonna buy me a beer truck.


5620.2. Following Up
by SolonBiker, 09/28/12 2:44 PM
Re: Romney Reboot take 10 by solonjoe3, 09/28/12 2:44 PM

Joe: Why, thanks, RomneyBot. Wow, a thousand bucks!!!! Imagine how much beer I'll be able to buy with that!!!

RomneyBot: Oh, heavens no, Joe. We don't condone of that sort of thing. No, this is for your Medicare. It's a prepay on the coupon we'd like to give you when you're 65 . . .

Paul Ryan: (loudly coughs and clears throat)

RomneyBot: When you're 67 . . .

Paul Ryan: (loudly coughs like a cat spitting up a hairball)

RomneyBot: (weakly) Er, um, when you're 70 . . . (nervously looks at Paul Ryan) . . . Yes, yes, it's a downpayment for your Medicare when you're 70. Now, all you have to do is invest that with a 400,000x return on your investment like I did with my offshore IRAs, and you'll be truly golden in your golden years.

Joe: Why, gosh, I knew there was a reason I always vote for the R team!!!

1 comment:

  1. Hey, Pol, good to see you.

    Golly, that PD site has become a nightmare. I saw where you grabbed this lunatic post and posted it up on your site, which is kind of funny. I was actually in the thread as it was being deleted around me, which is a weird experience. Like Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I don't know if it was some anonymous punk that kept deleting it, or if it was the PD. Last night, I'd post and it would get deleted. Then I'd re-post and it would get deleted. Again and again and again. Then I finally gave up at 2 AM. (I was actually doing some work at the time, so I figured to go ahead and enter into the race-to-the-bottom pissing match with some anon goofball who's been shadowing me for half a year ... which may qualify me as being as crazy as he is).

    Now, I've been on that site for a couple of years, and it's never once occurred to me to try to get someone else's post deleted. Don't really get the mindset.

    Anyways, saw where you grabbed this and posted, right before it was deleted again. And then I was saying what a joke the PD site is, and then it all came tumbling down around me. I need a new hobby!!!!



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