Tuesday, January 25, 2011


In Joe's spirit of "Summer of Love" and in view of his falling out with his namesake website, I thought I'd bring back what the censors took away...


4457.2. The debate?
by solonjoe3, 01/24/11 9:25 AM
Re: Ward 5 council applicants by SolonMoreCynical, 01/24/11 9:25 AM

McDrucker: This is a tricky business.

Kraus: I don’t envy you. No matter what you do, somebody is going to be mad

McDrucker: I could just let you guys on council decide.

Kraus: Well, even if you do, the applicants themselves will never believe you were hands off.

McDrucker: Let’s think about this logically. If I give it to Meany, she’ll vote in accordance with my wishes. Tom Day said I *could* pick her too. She’ll probably get reelected when the time comes. Some people will make fun of her lack of wherewithal. But so what. Call her the safe choice.

Kraus: All those things are true.

McDrucker: If I give it to Floyd, my debt will be repaid. He probably won’t be too much trouble. But he’ll have a hard time getting reelected.

Kraus: Why do you say that?

McDrucker: I don’t know if Solon is ready for a black council person yet. We are ready for an Asian council person yes. We are ready for a light skinned Hispanic so long as there is no accent. Heck, we may even be ready for Jewish one.

Kraus: I’m Jewish.

McDrucker: No, I’m not talking about your type. I was talking about full on Hebrew. But a black councilman in Solon, I’m not sure how it would work.

Kraus: How so?

McDrucker: For one thing, would we need to get another bathroom for instance?

Kraus: I don’t think so. We’re not Parma.

McDrucker: And what will the cops think?

Kraus: We’ll just put his picture up in the cop’s lounge along with a description of his car so they won’t pull him over any longer.

McDrucker: I don’t know. Maybe we should just go with one of the other candidates....

4457.2.1. An interview?
by solonjoe3, 01/24/11 10:53 AM
Re: Ward 5 council applicants by SolonMoreCynical, 01/24/11 10:53 AM

Unnamed Council Person(UCP): Your name is Floyd, right?

Floyd: That’s correct.

UCP: And you’re a lawyer.

Floyd: Right again.

UCP: And you’re friends with Bill Mason.

Floyd: I worked alongside him for many years.

UCP: And you’re black.

Floyd: Excuse me?

UCP: I asked if you know Eddie and Rick?

Floyd: Didn’t sound like that is what you said. Yes, I know Councilman Kraus and Bell very well. They are excellent attorneys.

UCP: Hardly.

Floyd: What was that?

UCP: I agree heartedly. Will your law practice allow you enough time to be fully engaged with your council duties?

Floyd: I have plenty of time.

UCP: No surprise there.

Floyd: What?

UCP: I said I’m glad to hear it. What do think about opera?

Floyd: Opera?

UCP: yes, opera.

Floyd: Not really a fan.

UCP: Figures.

Floyd: What? I keep hearing you mutter things. What’s that all about?

UCP: That’s a paranoid question. Do you want me to put paranoid down here on this interview sheet? No? I didn’t think so. One more question: Do you think black qualifies as an earth-tone color?

Floyd: Earth-tone? Black? I suppose.

UCP: You would. Thanks. We’ll let you know.

4457.2.1. All these posts are ephemeral
by solonjoe3, 01/25/11 9:16 AM 
Re: Ward 5 council applicants by SolonMoreCynical, 01/25/11 9:16 AM

Worked hard? Hardly. 

I've noticed if I post anything that makes the mayor look like a racist like reminding folks of how badly she handled the police pointing a gun at 12 year old black girl running to her mother at church, well, someone from city hall has the post yanked. Given that history, I think its fair game to parody the mayor's racial insensitity. 

Here in another ward 5 interview-- about as the lame the other two that were taken down:

Interview Team (IT): Please take a seat miss….

Meany: Meany. Ms. Meany.

IT: Yes, Ms. That’s delightfully liberated of you. Are you a liberated girl? 

Meany: Woman. I don’t go overboard, but yes I think of myself as an independent and liberated woman. 

IT: Do you wear a bra? 

Meany: I don’t think that’s any of your business.

IT: We don’t see why not? It’s perfectly ordinary question. It effects your look and as well says something about your need to flaunt the conventions of decent society. So we ask again, do you wear a bra?

Meany: Er, sometimes. Like when it’s muddy out.

IT: There. No that wasn’t hard. Muddy out? How charming? A problem with sagging? Is that what it’s about it? Is one lower than the other? 

Meany: I fail understand why any of this is relevant. I don’t suppose you asked the men about their body parts. 

IT: Oh, but we did. You can learn a lot about a person from their body parts. Would you like us to explain why? 

Meany: No. 

IT: Good. We like people without any natural curiosity. They make such could council members. Tell us, where do you summer? 

Meany: Summer? Sometimes we go the Carolinas and rent a house on the beach. 

IT: We? Who else is in the we? Do you have a fella? A special someone to while away the days?

Meany: I’m having a hard time understanding why any of these questions are pertinent as whether I’m qualified to get the appointment. 

IT: Your perfectly right. These questions are just a way to show we’ve talked to you. We could have all just say peas and carrots, peas and carrots for 5 minutes. But then we have manners. And by the way, you’re not qualified, not that that matters. It’s actually rare we appoint someone who is qualified. 

Meany: Is it already decided then? 

IT: We don’t know. The mayor will tell us in time who we picked. 

Meany: I see. Thank you for interview. 

4462. The huddle
by solonjoe3, 01/25/11 1:11 PM

Bell: Ok, I just talked to the mayor. We’re on our own this time. No orders from downtime. No instructions from the mayor. None of them want their fingers on this decision. 

Russo: What does that mean? Them? 

Pelunis: It means they want us to take the backlash for not picking Floyd.

Mooney: Why wouldn’t we pick Floyd? 

Richmond: He’s a lawyer. 

Kraus: We’re all lawyers. We can’t use that excuse. 

Russo: I’m not. 

Mooney: You’re not what? 

Kraus: yeah, sorry. I keep forgetting Russo’s not a lawyer. It’s just that he acts like one. 

Russo: What’s that supposed to mean? 

Kraus: you know, act like you know better than everybody else even if you haven’t a clue. 

Richmond: Gentleman, back to the task at hand. What are we going to do? 

Bell: Let me lay it out. We can’t pick Floyd because he’s a…. how shall I put…. I’m not a racist or anything, but he’s a NAACP lawyer. We can’t have NAACP lawyer on council. Look, we all hire lots of friends and family in Solon. 

Mooney: So? 

Bell: So all our friends and family are white. He’s gonna notice. 

Pelunis: But if we don’t pick him, he’ll come charging in, calling us racists.

Russo: How do we know that? 

Bell: They always do. 

Mooney: “They?” Look, I don’t think we should be having this conversation. There is nothing wrong with Floyd. He worked for Mason. He’s a democrat. He’s smart. I say we pick him. 

Pelunis: If that’s what they wanted, they would have told us. Because they didn’t tell us, it’s clear that’s not what they want. 

Richmond: Which “they” are you talking about now? 

Bell: He’s talking about downtown. 

Russo: The ghetto? 

Bell: No, you idiot. Look, let’s just pick Meany. We all know she’s an airhead, but they’ll blame it on the Mayor. 

Russo: Which “they” is it this time? 

Mooney: The public. I’ll admit the public is pretty gullible. I’m shocked they haven’t figured out what really went down at the corner of SOM and Miles. Or that they bought that story about the temporary road. 

Bell: They are pretty stupid all right. 

Russo: Quit using “they”.